Sticky Buns

Now that I’m a parent, I suppose I’m supposed to have a messy car with sticky door handles and rotting Cheerios under the seats.

Today I went shopping while hungry . . . I did good though, I only splurged on a tasty looking coffee milkshake thing.

When I got back to my car I dug it out and discovered it had one of those plastic seals around the lid so you would know if someone had tampered with the bottle. I appreciate the protection, but I was in no mood to mess around with a “tamper proof seal.” I twisted the cap as hard as I could assuming the seal would give way and I could enjoy my treat. No luck. The seal was made of thinly-woven Superman hair.

There were no perforations on the seal, so I don’t know how the manufacturer expected me to take it off. I gave it a couple more twists hoping that would do the trick, but I failed. Now I was hungry and irritated.

“Think, Doug, think!” And it came to me. My best friend gave me a mini Leatherman as the groomsmen gift and it was in my glove compartment! Pleased with my quick thinking, I snatched the knife and cut off the seal. That’s when I noticed the “Shake Well Before Drinking” sign on the cap. That made sense, so I jerked the bottle up and down, the cap (which was loosened from all my twisting) flew off, and coffee goop splashed across my dashboard, passengers’ seat and door, and in my lap. In the bottom of the bottle there was about a half of a sip left; just enough to confirm my suspicion that this would have been a delicious treat.

So my car smells like coffee, and there is goop everywhere, but I’m not worried, because I just remembered I can blame it on my kid.